In Medias Res
by Anamin
Summary: Mag has always been in love with Nathan, and tries to comfort him after Marni's death. Can Nathan handle her kindness? I plan for this to be a short-2-3 part story. Takes place shortly after Marni's death/Shilo's birth. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

In Medias Res

"Nathan, I miss her, too. Please don't shut me out." Mag pleaded up at him. They sat in a coffee shop, talking. She looked up at him through her long eyelashes.

Mag said he needed to get out and that he was spending too much time at home. _Little did she know_, thought Nathan. It pained him to keep things from her they were friends, but so far as Mag was concerned, Shilo didn't exist. He planned to keep it that way. It was in his plans to keep Shilo out of GeneCo.'s hands for as long as he could, even if it meant robbing her of a mother figure. Mag could be manipulated by Rotti, and Nathan couldn't have that.

Shilo was his number one priority. She was his only living link to Marni. Marni. . .God he felt so broken. His 'work' left him exhausted these days. He could only capitulate to the needs of two people and two people alone. Taking care of an infant by day and Rotti's will at night was wearing him down. He couldn't help it.

"I know you do Mag. I'm sorry, I thought I'd be able to talk about it today, but it's too much. We wanted to have a family and now that dream is dead," he put on a disappointed face, which wasn't much of an effort, and used the lower registers of his voice.

Mag took his hand and held it awkwardly across the table. "Nathan, I just want you to know that I care." Mag could see what Marni saw in him. Even though she was blind when she first met him, she had begun to fall in love with him just that much. She would have had to tell Marni eventually.

Mag hurt on so many levels. It hurt that Nathan wouldn't open up to her. It hurt that Marni and her infant were both dead. She and Marni would talk for hours on end about her plans for the infant. Marni had decided on the name Shilo as soon as she found out it was a girl. Mag agreed that it was a beautiful name. There was no doubt the child would look just like Marni. How could she not? They had laughed about it together.

But there was Marni's cure to work on. She was still sick. Who knew if she would live through the birth? Marni was scared but hopeful. Her enthusiasm was catching. Mag missed her. Due to her past with Rotti, Marni stopped coming by GeneCo, so Mag would to go to the house. Coffee in the afternoons had become a sort of tradition. She was hoping it would do the trick for Nathan, but hew as far too distracted by recent events.

Nathan had been so cheerful in those days. They both were. Just months ago. Now it seemed an entire lifetime had passed. Were they all really the same people they were back then? Suddenly, Mag decided she wouldn't do this forever. It seemed that GeneCo had only had the worst effects possible on their lives. As soon as she had enough money, she'd quit GeneCo. Perhaps she could convince Nathan to get off this Godforsaken island and travel with her. They could start a new life, find new people, even if it wasn't with each other. She just wanted Nathan to feel close to the way he did all those months ago.

Rotti's jealousy is a powerful thing. He would never have harmed Marni, would he?

Mag watched in fascination as the early fall leaves fell from the trees. Nothing ever lasted.

Nathan looked at his watch. His father had given it to him on his death bed. Nathan became a doctor to help people, not to hurt them. It was time he got back to Shilo.

"I need to go back to the house." It was a statement.

"Alright. When do you want to meet next?"

"Mag, I'm not one for visiting these days. Please." He felt bad treating Mag this way, but Shilo needed him, she was just an infant.

"I'll come by the house, and we'll have coffee there, like we used to."

"No!" Nathan hadn't meant to shout. It was absolutely imperative that Mag not stop by the house. One peep from Shilo and all his current plans for her would come crumbling down. He would not have his daughter influenced by the outside world, plain and simple, Mag included.

"Well then why don't you come by the apartment at your convenience? I'll make it easy for you." Mag had to get him out of his shell. Why was he being so stubborn? Whatever it took. Her apartment was spacious enough. She wanted Nathan's trust. He needed human contact.

Nathan felt a little worn down. "Ok. I'll contact you." He had to throw her a bone. _Haha?_ commented his alter ego. _Shutup!ShutupShutp!! _he shouted at it. Mag was really very sweet and acting out of kindness. God how long had it been since he had talked to another human being, about normal things? He was trying today, but maybe if he knew in advance he could be little more congenial. He'd ask the nurse to stay later that night. Perhaps a location that Marni had barely been in would help him feel less morose.

He used to brag about Marni at his practice. She was so beautiful, she was so intelligent, she was so witty. He wanted to say those things again. Wordlessly, he got up and reached a hand toward Mag.

"I'll help you into a cab." He did so and headed back toward his house, and the infant, Shilo.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I think that this is a plausible way that things could have gone. Thanks for the reviews, they are much appreciated, as always._

Nathan had some misgivings about calling Mag for a second social anything. 'Visit' would be the term he might use here, if he were to get technical. He didn't have a problem with the actual idea of visiting anyone, God knew he could use some company. He would love to be able to discuss what he did, but that was simply out of the question, owing to the nature of his profession. It's not as though he were working for the mafia, but in a strange way, it was.

It was not something anyone will admit to on first introduction, or even if they had known someone for quite some time. He could very well imagine how that entire conversation would go _"Hi my name is Nathan, I'm a legal assassin. We, you know, take people's organs back from them in a harsh and painful method."_ Inwardly, he couldn't help but giggle at himself. It was either that or cry. Nathan had shed plenty of tears over the last few months. For his daughter who would never see her mother due to his mistake. This was something else he had trouble owning up to, and Rotti Largo never ceased to remind of the one small fact. He questioned himself over and over how he something could have gone that wrong, but no answers came to mind.

Outside the rain poured down. It had been raining all week, but Shilo, remarkably over the last few months, had blossomed and thrived. She was one of the healthiest babies he'd seen in his career as a physician. He regretted the time when she would come to question some of his motives. For now he enjoyed all of the small milestones, her full head of hair, her first tooth, her smiles. She lit up the whole room. He couldn't help but smile himself at her progress. He had assumed she would wither and become sickly, but quite the opposite happened. Shilo grew rosy cheeked, and plump. She cried only if there was a physical necessity, but otherwise was quite content. As a consequence Nathan lavished as many gifts on her as he could, and only the best.

As each week passed, the dresses he purchased for Shilo became fancier and fancier. He bought ribbons in advance of the hair he knew was going to be just like Marni's. The crib was so full of stuffed animals he nearly needed one for them alone. Eventually, he bought a toddler bed, counting on the fact that Shilo would continue in her rosy-cheeked, healthy state. For the time being, all the stuffed animals were housed there, in the toddler bed. Shilo already had a favorite of the stuffed zoo-a pink bunny that Marni had picked out before she died.

This particular evening, Shilo was out on the pink, satin blanket Nathan had placed on the floor, he was trying to encourage her to roll over. He placed the bunny on the blanket just out of reach of her tiny fists and watched her as she inched her way on her tummy, legs kicking.

"Come on Shi, just a little further," Nathan encouraged. Baby Shilo kicked her legs and waggled her arms. Nathan made the bunny jump up and down just to the left of her vision. Shilo grunted in a baby sort of fashion and rolled to the left, grabbing the ear of pink fluffy bunny.

"Very good, sweetheart!" Nathan picked up the infant and kissed her cheeks. He felt like celebrating. Perhaps, now that his mood had lightened, it would be the time to call Mag and have a visit. Surely a small visit couldn't possibly hurt.

He gently placed Shilo in her playpen and picked up the phone.

* * *

Mag agonized over telling Nathan about how she felt. Perhaps if she just told him, and let him mull it over, he would come around. Of course it was too soon for him to be in another relationship, she didn't question that, but she couldn't help how she felt. She saw the potential in him to love again. His life was so tragic, if he could start all over, with someone new, it might help him to move on. She knew how absorbed in his work he could be. 'Busy' had several meanings to him.

She needed to take his mind off of what had happened. Not that she was going to ignore them, in fact, it might do Nathan some good to talk about past events, but he needed something positive to focus on. If she told him her feelings and how she didn't expect anything right now, it would give him something to focus on other than Marni's death. For crying out loud even _she_ was still mourning. Mag couldn't help but give credit where credit was due.

Without Marni she'd still be some handicapped girl on the streets. The outside world was cruel to those with disabilities. She's certain she'd have eventually fallen into prostitution even, though she wasn't sure what she did for Rotti Largo was much better. There were days when Mag found it hard to get out of bed, and ignored Rotti's call for her presence. She delayed events and photo shoots, often not rising until noon. She made sure to take a mourning period so as not to enrage Rotti's temper, and her fits of depression were becoming further between, but there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think of Marni. She was sure this was the same for Nathan.

What Nathan needed to realize was that he wasn't alone. Together, perhaps, they could come through the ordeal that had happened not just to Nathan, but to Mag as well. She was lost in her reverie when suddenly, the phone rang. To her surprise it was Nathan on the other end of the phone. He sounded so upbeat. Coffee at her place, yes, ok.

It was an encouraging step to say the least. Marnie smiled when the conversation ended. Perhaps it would be the opportune time after all to tell Nathan how she felt.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N- it didn't really dawn on me until now how ridiculous it was to have Nathan (ASH's character) drinking coffee when he (ASH) was the spokesperson for coffee all those years ago. LOL! Ah well. I realize that this doesn't mean he can't drink coffee, but the mental image, well. . .I babble. Enjoy._

Nathan arrived on time, dressed impeccably. Mag wasn't shocked. Punctuality was something he prized more than anything. One of his first gifts to Marni was a watch. He didn't buy it merely for its usefulness.

He greeted Mag when he walked in the door and kissed her lightly on the cheek. Nathan took off his jacket and put it on the coat rack. He could smell the coffee brewing. Mag looked tenser to him than usual, he was picking up on some sort of vibe, but he couldn't guess what it was.

"Hi Nathan, please have a seat." She was finding it hard to hostess actually. He was still tight-lipped despite the levitation in his mood. Small talk was always difficult. Nate was a man who was concise and to the point. He said he peace and moved on. Still, he didn't seem as closed off or distracted as before. However, this only made things worse for today. He took a seat on the sofa, and admired the silver set of dishes being used for coffee this afternoon.

Mag poured the coffee and handed a mug to Nathan, her hands shaking a little. He fiddled with the handle on his mug.

"Look, Nate, I didn't just invite you over for chat. I need to talk to you about something that's very important to me.

"Of course, what is it?" Nathan had a look of concern on his face. Mag sighed. She had his full attention and it was only making things harder. It was in her nature to be to the point as well as Nathan, but today was going to be a little different.

"When Marni told me you were getting married, I was so happy for both of you. Marni was out of her controlling relationship with Rotti and you were so good to her." Mag smiled. "I appreciated that. I appreciated it a lot. You are a decent man. One morning I woke up and realized you were more than a decent man, and, I had started to _feel_ things. I couldn't wait for the next outing with the three of us, and then there was that day in the park when Marni wasn't feeling so great, and we decided she needed to rest, but she insisted you and I go out anyway. It was such a lovely day. I enjoyed it more than I cared to admit." Mag stared into her coffee.

Nathan was looking at her, waiting for her next words. Mag looked up at him.

"I care about you Nathan," she stated bluntly.

"I care about you too, Mag, you were such a wonderful support for Marni. I don't know what she would have done without you there." He affirmed.

Mag shook her head. "No, I _care_ about you Nathan," she emphasized. She hesitated to use the word love. People fell in and out of love every day. She was certain she did love Nathan, but at this juncture didn't want to scare him away. She set down her mug and took Nathan's mug as well. Both containers of liquid out of the way, she place her palms on the top of his thighs and leaned in to give a chaste kiss on the lips and pulled away.

Nathan felt a little dizzy and more than a little aroused. He'd hadn't been with anyone since Marni died. In all the time he had known Mag, she had always been there, somewhere in the background when he was with Marni; a brush here, a tickle there. In small ways she had been telling him, the entire time. Mag was gorgeous as always, her hair fell in gentle curls to the small of her back. He didn't want to betray the memory of Marni, but what would it be like to be with Mag? He had a sudden curiosity.

As swift as lightening, he moved to kiss her, gently at first and then deepening the kiss. It went on and he paid attention to her neck and the exposed portions of her chest. One hand was gripping her hair; the other was groping her chest. Surprised, but not disappointed, Mag was responding in kind. Her right hand had a deathgrip on the hair at the back of his head. She melted into him. She could feel his body heat through her clothes. Her face flushed. He felt like a teenager again. Mag, Marni, Marni, Mag. They were one. _Marni! _The cry was in his head. The monster that had become the RepoMan rose up. Violently he ripped himself from Mag's enthusiastic response. It hadn't manifested itself like this before. He placed his forehead against hers.

Breathless, he panted "I. . .can't. I. . ." Mag simply nodded her head.

"I. . .that isn't what I wanted. . .I mean it is, but the choice is yours."

"I care about you Mag, but I'm not sure how I feel. I don't know if I care in that way. I don't want to give you any false hopes and I don't want to treat you the wrong way. Marni just. . .I miss her so much."

"I know you do. So do I," she grasped one of his hands in a fierce grip, desperate not to break contact with him.

"I should probably go."

"You don't have to."  
"I think I should," Nathan got up. He cursed himself for acting so rashly. The outside world would say he hadn't done anything wrong, but he had. He had taken advantage of Mag in her grief. Things were always his fault. He needed go home to Shilo again. That was the only comfort that could possibly make him feel better these days.

Mag walked him to the door and handed him his jacket. Had she come on too strong? She questioned her own motives. She had wanted Nathan for so long. If he walked out that door the odds of him walking back in were slim to none. It was all too painful for her to bear.

"Perhaps another time," Nathan said as he left. The guilt was beginning to grow. He felt guilty for cheating on Marni, even if this was something she might want. He felt guilty for how Mag might be feeling at this very moment. None if it was her fault. She could help how she felt.

As the door clicked shut, Mag could almost feel her heart shattering into tiny pieces. No hope remained. There was no one else. Numbly, she lay down on her bed and cried herself to sleep.


End file.
